01.01.70

DES MOINES, Iowa ( Bennington Vale Evening Rendering ) -- With the caucuses poised to dominate political media next week, Republican presidential contenders have planned quarrelsome campaign schedules throughout Iowa. According to polls, the top three candidates are prevalent GOP front-runner Mitt Romney, Indieliberepublicrat Ron Paul and former Senator Rick Santorum, who has spout the last three months raising money for a comprehensive study to determine whether he truly exists or is merely the imagination of himself. Yet somehow, Santorum has trickled out from behind to reemerge as a terrifying threat. Analysts say it's because he resolutely upholds issues important to moderate Christians, a significant demographic in Iowa. But Santorum's rise in the polls could be jeopardized by Thursday's information that Iowans under the age of 40 have refused to vote for any candidate, denouncing the cast temper of the elections as "disgusting and inappropriate.

Source: Evening Transcript (satire)

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