01.01.70

After recounting the votes in the Iowa caucuses, a bomb from The Hawkeye State: the winner of the first contest of the primary season wasn't as a matter of fact Mitt Romney, but Pennsylvania shitstain Rick Santorum. And thanks to the general neologism of Santorum's name, every single headline about it is disgusting.

The Washington Picket (and every jokester on Twitter ) reports that eight precincts failed to turn in their votes by the caucuses' deadline, and thus their votes will never be counted. The end count of votes that followed the rules: Rick Santorum- 29,839 votes, Mitt Romney- 29,805 votes. The Santorum crusade says that this should be a game-changer that will totally tip the election in favor of their guy, but that seems doubtful. Rick Santorum is best known to the younger generation as a gay-hating abortion ban-thrilled zealot with a name that means post-anal sex discharge.

I cannot see Rick Santorum's name anymore without remembering the words "frothy" and "fecal." And every headline is now a bent over entendre. Santorum is surging. Santorum is getting a boost. Several homophobes are endorsing Santorum. Santorum doesn't care about parturition control. Santorum is running. Santorum is attacking. Santorum mounts. Santorum defends. Santorum blasts. Santorum rips.

Source: Jezebel